With about 50 movies featuring hot people in intricate suits saving the world with powers like superhuman strength, mind control and just really good martial arts, the whole superhero genre can be exhausting and unrelatable. Sure, it's awesome that Spider-man can spin webs but the ability to tell the future so I know if this Tinder date will be a complete bust? That is a power I can get behind. So, here are the superpowers that I would actually like to have IRL.

No Weight Gain

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I would trade any useless power like super human strength (cool party trick, bro) or invisibility (shady, much?) to be able to consume half a pizza, a pint of beer and a Baskin-Robbins clown cone and not gain a single pound. Actually I would prefer to get hotter and fitter with each bite. 

Ability to Tell The Future So I Can Plan My Social Life Accordingly

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I couldn’t care less about when I’ll die or whatever else people think they want to know about their futures. I would like to know if this dude from the bar will actually text me back or if this party is going to be fun. Most nights I just want to chill at home with no pants on so the ability to know if leaving is worth it would really take my life up a notch.

No Hangover

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I would gladly welcome a nuclear disaster, genetic mutation, spider bite or whatever it takes to be able to go hard on a weekend and not have a single trace of a hangover the next day.

Time Freezing To Fit in More TV

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There are so many shows that need to be binged and just so little time – it’s a real struggle. Imagine a world where you can stop time so you can finally finish all of Breaking Bad, The Wire and catch up on Game of Thrones. My brain is turning to beautiful, idiotic mush just thinking about it. 

Productivity

Someone who can actually get stuff done is a real hero in my books. Can you imagine having the power to actually work for 8 hours a day, have a clean living space, run errands, pay bills AND exercise? No person like this would ever exist but I would gladly accept it as fantasy.

Accurate Gaydar

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As someone who has had many crushes on clearly gay men, the ability to actually tell when someone is just not into me (and my gender) would really help in the dating department and save me from so much heartbreak. 

Ability to Pretend Like I Care

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As a mere mortal, I cannot actually hide the fact that I hate everyone and everything. A true superhero would be able to really fake it til they make it by being able to smile and say nice to things to awful people. That superhero would also be an angel.

Getting ahead in the workplace can be challenging. You may think that putting in extra hours and taking initiative are the way to go but that's not true. Hard work will get you part of the way but the rest can easily be achieve by adopting these 10 extremely effective workplace tactics.

1. Constantly Talk About How Busy You Are

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It doesn’t matter what your workload actually is, talking about how busy you are is always a winning conversation topic in the workplace. People just love to talk about stress and work and having no time for anything so you should too! Be sure to keep the busy talk vague without ever actually providing details on what is making you busy so you seem mysterious.

2. Speak At Every Meeting

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People really respect those who are constantly offering their input whether it's solicited or not. If you are struggling for something to say, try asking an obvious question or letting the group know that you agree with what was just said. 

3. Make Every Task Seem More Important Than It Is

Sure you are doing a task that a middle school student could do but if you really make a huge deal about it, you will floor your bosses with how you are actually doing your job which will make you irreplaceable. To master this, be sure to take the simplest task and ask a minimum of 7 questions about it, take a full day to do it and then let everyone know how challenging it was. 

4. Bring Your Laptop and/or Phone Everywhere

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People need to really know that you are so important and such a hard worker that you just cannot unplug so have your eyes on screens at all times. Happy Retirement, Betsy! Excuse me while I furiously check email in the corner during your farewell speech.

5. Fill Your Calendar with Meetings

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While at work, you want people to always think that you are in demand. You can easily achieve this by scheduling meetings for everything even things that could easily be solved with an email. You'll have a full schedule and your co-workers will love all of the meetings that you booked for them.

6. Wear a Blazer

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Blazers = Professional, that is a known fact. Invest in a blazer and wear it every day, with everything – even jeans and a t-shirt. A famous study, from a famous research institution found that when a man and a woman said the same stupid thing, people agreed with the man which probably was because he was wearing a blazer.

7. Rush Everywhere But Never Be On Time

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Casually strolling around the office at a normal pace shows that you are a garbage employee. Speed walking around, however, shows that you have a purpose. Of course, it is not enough to rush around, you must still show up everywhere late. Being the last person at a meeting claiming that another meeting ran over let’s people know that that other meeting was way too important to leave early. As a result, people in this meeting will work very hard to impress you and win your approval. It’s a classic work neg.

8. Strategically Send Emails

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The true way that you will shine at work is via email so you must play the game correctly. This means, taking a long time to answer important emails that require your input (because once again- you are WAY too important and busy to respond) but then respond immediately to emails that don’t require responses. For example, if you get an email asking if you have time to complete a task, take 2-3 hours to respond so people assume you don't have time and find someone else. But if you are copied on an email with 10 other people as an FYI, reply all immediately with something pointless like "Thx!" People love seeing that extra email in their inbox. 

9. Give 8 Pieces of Feedback a Day

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10. Use Meaningless Buzzwords in Everything You Do