Entertainment,
Someone who can actually get stuff done is a real hero in my books. Can you imagine having the power to actually work for 8 hours a day, have a clean living space, run errands, pay bills AND exercise? No person like this would ever exist but I would gladly accept it as fantasy.
As a mere mortal, I cannot actually hide the fact that I
hate everyone and everything. A true superhero would be able to really fake it til they make
it by being able to smile and say nice to things to awful people. That
superhero would also be an angel.
As entertaining as public transportation is, think of all of the money and near death experiences that can be saved by just appearing everywhere. I'd be able to sleep in longer before work and don't have to do the Sunday morning ritual of seeing how many Uber rides I drunkenly took the night before.
A truly fantastic superhero origin story would be about a painfully awkward woman who can barely hold a normal conversation with a stranger without completely weirding people out. She is kidnapped and genetically altered to be charming, witty and appropriate. That would be a real dream and honestly what I hope would happen to me everyday.
Not so much a superpower as much as something that tends to come with the territory, not aging would be great especially if it came with age appropriate responsibilities. Sure, I've been alive for 60 years but physically I'm a 21 year old so excuse me while I binge drink and pretend not to know what taxes are.
Actually if I'm going to be honest, I would love to be a superhero that is just a functioning human being who knows how to do stuff like cook, read the newspaper and make my own dentist appointments. My superhero suit would not have a cape or leather, it would instead be tailored, work appropriate and from somewhere other than Forever 21.
She is some type of super human right? Yeah I'd like to just be her. End of story. Let's start making this movie, Marvel.
Real Life Superpowers That Are Actually Useful
With about 50 movies featuring hot people in intricate suits saving the world with powers like superhuman strength, mind control and just really good martial arts, the whole superhero genre can be exhausting and unrelatable. Sure, it's awesome that Spider-man can spin webs but the ability to tell the future so I know if this Tinder date will be a complete bust? That is a power I can get behind. So, here are the superpowers that I would actually like to have IRL.
No Weight Gain
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I would trade any useless power like super human strength (cool party
trick, bro) or invisibility (shady, much?) to be able to consume half a pizza, a pint of beer and a Baskin-Robbins clown cone and not gain a single pound. Actually I would prefer to get hotter and fitter with each bite.
Ability to Tell The Future So I Can Plan My Social Life Accordingly
I couldn’t care less about when I’ll die or whatever else
people think they want to know about their futures. I would like to know if this dude from the bar
will actually text me back or if this party is going to be fun. Most nights I just want to chill at home with no pants on so the ability to know if leaving is worth it would really take my life up a notch.
No Hangover
I would gladly welcome a nuclear
disaster, genetic mutation, spider bite or whatever it takes to be able to go
hard on a weekend and not have a single trace of a hangover the next day.
There are so many shows that need to be binged and just so little time – it’s a real struggle. Imagine a world where you can
stop time so you can finally finish all of Breaking Bad, The Wire and catch
up on Game of Thrones. My brain is turning to beautiful, idiotic mush just thinking about it.
Productivity
Accurate Gaydar
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As someone who has had many crushes on clearly gay
men, the ability to actually tell when someone is just not into me (and my gender) would really help in the dating department and save me from so much heartbreak.
Ability to Pretend Like I Care
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Teleportation
Charisma
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Anti-Aging with Anti-Responsibilities
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Not so much a superpower as much as something that tends to come with the territory, not aging would be great especially if it came with age appropriate responsibilities. Sure, I've been alive for 60 years but physically I'm a 21 year old so excuse me while I binge drink and pretend not to know what taxes are.
Basic Life Skills
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Beyonce
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She is some type of super human right? Yeah I'd like to just be her. End of story. Let's start making this movie, Marvel.
This post is hilarious! My favorite is the no weight gain superpower... envious of my friends who have this!
ReplyDeleteThanks Cailyn! Totally jealous of those people!
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