Dating,
Insane Things You Do When You Have a Crush
It’s summer which means that it’s that magical time of the
year when a Winter 5 can become a solid Summer 7 by getting a tan, wearing little
clothing and being constantly surrounded by people clouded with beer goggles.
It’s the season forsummer love trying
really hard to impress that bro who can’t tell you apart from every other girl
in a romper. It’s also that time when your social calendar is filled with
parties, beach outings, weddings and vacations making way for my favorite phenomenon
– the crush. Crushes are
incredible because they make even the most sane person an absolute crazy mess.
Whether it’s constantly checking social media, obsessing over every text your
crush sends or changing up your route to work so that it casually passes by his apartment – when you like someone all bets are off. So here are borderline insane things that everyone (just admit it) has done when they have a crush on someone. Rest assured that you aren't alone in your craziness.
It’s the season for
Constantly Checking Your Phone for Their Text or Call
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When you like someone hearing from them is pretty exciting so you'll wait for their text and even *gasp* text them first - none of which are weird. The obsessive part comes when you find yourself constantly checking your phone for messages. When you are the one to initiate, the minutes after pressing "Send" feel like hours. If you don't initiate and thus aren't expecting a message, you'll still find yourself constantly checking your phone to see if maybe, just maybe your crush read your mind and is texting you out of the blue at 2 PM on a Tuesday to see what's up.
Texting/Contacting for Random Reasons
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When you want to talk to someone you like, coming up with an actual reason to do so besides sending a “hey” text can be tough. So instead you really grasp at straws to get an opener. This can mean asking easily Googlable questions or really stretching the relevance of your life to them by doing something like texting him that you are out with friends at that trendy restaurant that he recommended when you are in fact just sitting alone in your apartment eating day old Taco Bell while watching a documentary about bros tickling each other. Wouldn’t life be great if people would just say “Hey I was thinking
about you and want to catch up!” without people calling the police? (P.S. just send that text. That is a good one.)
Purposefully Bumping into Them
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This is one of those borderline stalker
things that you sometimes do without admitting to yourself that you are doing
it. This doesn’t mean pacing back and forth outside of their door so that when
they come out you can claim to be just casually strolling by. It’s more of changing up your running path so that it just so
happens to go through their neighborhood or choosing to go to a specific bar
over another because you know that they sometimes go there. You aren’t stalking them, you are just giving fate a chance to
acknowledge that you two belong together.
Posting on Social Media Specifically for Them
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Do you ever feel like your social media game
really steps up when you like someone? This means posting perfectly posed “candid”
pics of you doing fun things with witty captions so that your crush will see it
and think “Woah, this girl is stunning, fun and hysterical. I must make her my
wife.” Of course, when this does not actually happen, you are just stuck with the unrealistic projection that you actually enjoy things like music festivals and exercise.
Constantly Checking Social Media for Their Like
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Don’t even try to pretend that seeing that
your crush “liked” a post or viewed your story doesn’t totally
make your day. Sure you scroll through your Instagram feed double tapping like Oprah
hands out cars but when your crush likes something it MUST mean that they carefully
did so to show that they are into you. People don’t just go around
viewing Snapchat stories of people they don’t want to bang. So enters the
crazy obsession with continuously checking your social media for any signs of
activity and then experiencing heartbreak when your crush is nowhere to be found. Does
a post even count if they didn’t see it?
Online Creeping
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This one is a given and if you claim you
don’t do it, you are a liar, an alien or a toddler who can’t use a computer
yet. Either way, with everyone posting things online you can’t help but check
out everything that this person shallowly has to offer. Online stalking usually
starts off innocently enough – you check out their Instagram profile and start to scroll
back so far that you find pictures from a frat party in 2012 where he is
wearing a puka shell necklace which makes you wonder “Can he surf?” So you
pop over to Google to see if your boo was perhaps some type
of competitive surfer back in the day. This somehow leads you into a blackhole
of Linkedin, Facebook, LiveJournal etc. and before you know it you are browsing
the wedding registry of his high school ex wondering if anyone is going to get
her those cute salt and pepper shakers because they would go great in the newly renovated kitchen that she posted
pictures of on her lifestyle blog.
Overthinking Everything
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While you may be a completely logical person in most aspects of life, being rational can be tough when it comes to someone you like. You'll find yourself obsessing over the meaning behind pointless
things. “It took him an hour to respond. That
means he met someone else on his family vacation to the Grand Canyon and they are moving in together next month right? I'm gonna block him.” You'll also find yourself drafting versions of every text to them so that your friends can give input on the best way to word "Want to get drinks on Friday?" so that it's fun, flirty, casual and sexy all at the same time.
Note: Overthinking usually only applies to the sober mind and thus once 2 vodka sodas are down the hatch, you do very little thinking when you blow-up their phones with every unfiltered thought you've ever had.
Note: Overthinking usually only applies to the sober mind and thus once 2 vodka sodas are down the hatch, you do very little thinking when you blow-up their phones with every unfiltered thought you've ever had.
Already Planning the Future
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As much as you try not to get ahead of yourself, the crazy part of you can sometimes do it for you. It might not be quite planning the wedding (though destination would be ideal) but you may find yourself daydreaming about all of the picnics and double dates that you can go to this summer with your bae even if you don't quite know his middle name or if he even likes picnics.
Taking Up Their Interests
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When you like someone you obviously want them to like
you back which sometimes translates into barely being yourself at all. He’s really
into fitness but you would rather lay on a couch staring at the TV for days? Well that’s nothing that a shopping spree at Lululemon, some
perfectly posed #fitness Insta pics and endless talking about running (as a concept) can’t solve! Sure, you could just be yourself and be with someone with shared interests but where's the fun in that?
Talking About Them More Than Talking To Them
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As fun as it is to have a crush, it can be just as fun to have a friend with a crush. Taking part in the analyzing of every interaction that said crush has had and giving romance advice is a much loved hobby of those with very little going on in their daily lives. Of course, this whole group love powwow is a little insane when you are constantly talking about a person that you have rarely actually interacted with. But this is a judgement-free zone.
Actually Asking Them Out
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Lolz JK You would never actually do that. That would be WACKY and CRAZY.
Happy Summer Lovin'!
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I've done pretty much all of these and I'm not even ashamed. Hilarious post!
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